I stand on one foot and run hot water onto the other which is in the sink of the bathroom in the hospital ICU. I balance myself and giggle at the grotesque, twisted position and I enjoy getting clean with the help of a bathroom sink shoved into a ten square-feet area. God’s ways are mysterious indeed…

The chief medical officer called on Thursday morning and told us to see him in the hospital at 2 PM for Vince’s sleep therapy, because a bed freed up. This also means we got officially accepted into the Home Ventilation Program and will receive a BiPAP machine (breathing support machine) and a cough machine for home use. We got in touch with him a month ago, and he was very supportive. He only asked for time, because the waiting list was long everywhere. We didn’t even go home from the kindergarten; instead we headed to the ICU of Semmelweis University. We spent five days there, they set Vince’s BiPAP machine which he uses for sleeping in the afternoons and at night. We learned to use the modern version of the cough machine, and my husband and I participated in a training where they showed us how to do CPR and handle emergency situations specifically for those living with a tracheostomy tube. The department where we ended up going was for adults only, but the chief medical officer made an exception for us. Again, we were the odd-ones-out. The nurses came to our room to get a charming smile from Vince, to pet his thick hair and to get amazed at his long eyelashes. We were together all day, confined to a hospital room, and they allowed me to sleep on a hospital gurney next to Vince’s bed. Instead of a proper place to shower, I was left with sink in the restroom for a lick and a promise (a quick wash), because the whole unit is set up to quickly step in and stabilize in an emergency situation and then transfer people to the respective rehabilitation ward.

I wash my foot, I balance myself in front of the sink, and the hot water permeates my insides through my sole. I think about how thankful I am to Jesus because He intervened again so fast. On Wednesday night, falling wearily into bed, I prayed for a solution so we wouldn’t have to pay hundreds of thousands of Forints to rent Vince’s BiPAP machine. On Thursday morning I already got the call that there is a free bed in the hospital, we have green light to go. It occurred to me while I was washing my foot that if my old boss, or a family member, or one of my friends saw me now, they would probably think ‘poor Vera, you have so many trials in your life again.’ But I feel, waggling on one foot in the hospital bathroom, that I am the world’s most well-balanced mom, and everything’s in place. I know that God is faithful, and He always gives guidance, support. And now I am bathing in the feeling again that I can have a living relationship with Jesus!

“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”
1 Corinthians 10:13

We are always busy thinking why things happened this way or that way. The timing and manner of things create constant annoyance. I know I could be exhausted and tired because I haven’t had a proper shower in five days, I sleep on a bed as hard as a cutting board, the staff starts emptying the garbage at 5 AM, the windows cannot be opened because of the air conditioning, and the sleep therapy machine sounds like a fire siren at two o’clock in the morning.

Instead of this God allows us to see inside a perfect plan, where, according to His order, everything happens when and where it is supposed to. A nurse who looks just like my mom welcomes us the first day and after five minutes hands me the most perfect cup of hot tea I have ever had. The doctor, who she made it for, had to rush off to a surgery, and he left it there. The chief medical officer is such a kind and gentle man; in my five years of hospital stays I have never met a doctor with such knowledge and this much humanity. The nurses are used to adults, but Vince brings them a ray of sunshine, and they can hardly wait to go and see him for a smile, even if only for a short minute. I get overwhelmed with the knowledge that God isn’t even trying to help Vince but these doctors and nurses by opening their hearts with a child’s smile. Then the next thing I find is that one of the nurses starts crying in front of me, saying that she doesn’t understand how such a burden can be carried as a mother.

“But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.”
James 1:25

Of course I don’t want to paint a pretty pink picture, since Vince had a lot of unpleasant moments in these five days. Wrongly done needlesticks, pain during the trach change because of size issues, etc. As a mother lion protecting her cub, I confronted the doctors again. But I have already learned that God has a plan with everything. With the burdens and with the blessings as well! He has got perfect order, from which we only see little slices every once in a while. But when He pulls the curtain in front of our eyes, even while washing our feet, we get a glimpse into God’s infinite and perfect Love. This is when we can really know we are in the right place. And this is when the saying ’Thank God!’ gains meaning, one that people just often use as a conjunction.

“For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.”
2 Chronicles 16:9