I run, I race. My friends and I call this the “Christmas tree effect”. There are so many ‘ornaments’ hanging on us every day that we don’t even know which one and how to balance. With Vince we are preparing for the final exams, creating thousands of adaptive exercises. Meanwhile, we run to his special lessons, a “Melodika” music lesson here, an acting class there. We click on the link for the online chess class while I unhook the splints from Vince’s legs, because we’ve just finished standing him up. While inhaling, I start an arm training, attach the pedals to his hands, and I can’t wait for it to be over so I can give him breakfast and rush to speech therapy class. I also set the alarm at the weekend. One day we take Vince swimming, and the next day I want to go to the early church service so that I can get back while the boys are asleep. This way we can work together on the end-of-year exams in each subject. One moment I find myself at a charity evening, where Vince is reciting a poem with two of his fellow actors, the next I am coordinating with the local swimming pool, because they are organizing a fundraiser for us in connection with Vince’s medical treatment. In the meantime, the weeks are also interspersed with small treats: changing tires on the wheelchair, painting the apartment, planting two dozen seedlings in the garden, video editing for a birthday surprise, etc. Every single week is the victim of this race. On my to do list the tasks are crossed out or additions are sketched next to them. The tasks lie on the paper like a fallen tree, as if a huge whirlwind has just passed through them…
And all the while, I’m wondering: where am I in this? What is my task in this world? I feel like a teenager daydreaming about what she wants to achieve in life. It’s a strange situation, because I have a thousand things to do, yet I feel that I should do something, I should go… but where, but what? Then in the morning, when I talk to God, I receive a Word:
“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court. Psalms 127: 3-5
I am so grateful to God for these enlightening messages! I want a lot more of them! To receive such deeply encouraging messages every day, hmmm, it would be so nice… But the rush crushes me, locks me in the little cage of fatigue, and there is no escape. The spinning wheel and exhaustion remain. Then I always run back to God! I talk to him while brushing my teeth, at dawn when I turn Vince, in the morning when I finally manage to get up half an hour earlier than the others, I sing to him while swimming. I steal the minutes with God, and suddenly a miracle happens! I hear what He wants to say! Such a blessed state! An “everything is in place” feeling! From then on, I just sit back in my imaginary armchair and the daily rush seems far away. I pay attention to how God creates. I just give myself to Him, walk with Him on the water timelessly and revel in the blessings around me.
One such blessing is the summer film camp that we organize for children in wheelchairs. At one point, an offer comes from one of the mothers: she no longer wants to deal with a foundation and would like to hand it over to us. I don’t understand why I need this with so much to do, but I take it. Then a suggestion comes that one of my best friends should be the curator. It turns out that this calling is just as important to her as it is to me, and God is now ripening our many years of friendship into a beautiful big fruit. We immediately find the name of the foundation: Fruits of the Fig Tree Foundation.
“Now learn this lesson from the fig tree: As soon as its twigs get tender and its leaves come out, you know that summer is near.” Matthew 24:32
Then the avalanche starts. I’m making a logo. We agree on goals. I receive an accountant contact from a mother who I’ve worked for before. We are organizing a camp. It becomes clear why it was necessary for me to taste the mysteries of filmmaking during my life. I now know why I worked into the small hours of the day, why I made short films or worked on creatives for my graphic design homework. I know now why I was employed in the communications department of a multinational company for years, it’s obvious why it was necessary to raise a child with limited mobility. The picture comes together, like in a beautiful painting, the colors and shadows fall into perfect place. God creates! I can finally watch it while relaxing! And even though my day is suffocated by so many urgent tasks, still, life wants to live, and God cannot be stopped. Love does not pass away and is constantly growing. It’s fantastic to experience this!
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth.
There is still a month and a half until the film camp, but so many gifts have already arrived in my life and for people around me! On the way home from our medical trip abroad, I got out of the car to stretch. I turned back and knew that our camp would be at the youth hostel behind me. I wrote to a couple of moms that I had a sleepover camp idea, asking if there was anyone who would be interested, and in two weeks we recruited ten children in wheelchairs. After we spread the word that we were organizing this camp, half of the cost of our camp came together in one week. While parking at my house, I asked the nurse who helps our neighbor if she would join us, and she immediately said yes. I invited one of the jury members of the Special Film Festival to visit our camp one day. He said yes. Friends and neighbors offer to volunteer at the camp. As a birthday present, I asked if my friends would invite the children of the camp for an ice cream, and a large amount of ice cream money has arrived in the foundation’s account. My heart is so grateful! Thanks again to all of you! The seed God blesses sprouts, grows and flourishes. And the wonderful thing about this is that even though I do my endless tasks every day, my soul still rests in a huge armchair and watches the miracle as Love flows and continuously grows through God.
“I savor all your words,
like fruit
they heal
like miracle ointments.
Into my mind
engrave your loyalty
balm my heart
hey-haj, hope.”
János Lackfi: The fruit of your word (excerpt)
