“Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life— comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.” 1 John 2:15-17

When in the morning someone turns on their right side in bed, I have already made scrambled eggs. When someone starts their meetings at their company, I am letting my face bathe in the Sun at the side of the pool after a hearty swim. During a company coffee break I mentally pack our suitcases for the next surgery abroad. Lunchbreak? I am way past that already, and I am taking notes from my Bible School study materials. When someone in the office puts a little extra in at the end of the day, I take care of shopping or run other errands. I go to Sunday church during the week, when on the way home I listen to teachings and sermons while Vince peacefully naps in the car. And at the end of the day when someone sits down on the couch to check what’s on TV, I am already asleep. And when someone is asleep, I am about to turn Vince in his bed from one side to the other. I only have one time left from my old life, and that’s Friday night. That’s when Vince is watched by one of his teachers, and that’s when I have time to have a date with my husband or to see friends. At these occasions I get a peek into my past.

“The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.” 1 John 2:17

But what is God’s will?

Many people’s hearts, when they look at my life, get filled with sorrow, and they ask me with awe how I/we can manage this kind of life. The fact that my child is handicapped is like a tattoo which cannot be removed; it will still be on my skin when I am eighty. The other day a mom asked me at the doctor’s office how I can bear this burden. I was surprised at my answer, but I realized that I mean it when I say: “Easier and easier!”

When Vince was born, I felt completely like I was on a ghost train; there was darkness everywhere I looked, and I never knew when the next turn would come. Everything was unfamiliar, and no one could give me useful, well proven advice. But in the years to come God blessed me so much and gave me so much strength, that now the initial jitters in a new situation remain, but after that comes peace which is the fruit of my faith in and walk with God.

But what is God’s will? Others say they don’t understand why I was given this situation. They’ve seen my previous life: good job at a multinational company, a neat house with a charming husband, a dog in our pictures, health in our immediate and broader family, outings in Budapest, vacations abroad, etc. They believe this is some kind of karma, something I need to learn in this life, that’s why I received it. But this is not the case! No matter who I talk to, I find out that the difficulties bring out the same emotions, whatever costumes we may be wearing on the stages of our lives. Fear, uncertainties, lack of love, or confidence, smiley Facebook pictures, a conscious lifestyle with organic stuff and fitness plans. But when we face a difficulty and think about the whys, we realize that the source of our problems is always the same: we don’t feel loved or we can’t love enough. There is no other option!

But what is God’s will?

“Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” Matthew 22:37-39

“My son, pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to one’s whole body. Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.” Proverbs 4: 20-27

Who knows, maybe one day I will work for a multinational company again, my son will be independent, I will be able to go anywhere, anytime. But I don’t care about this so much anymore! Of course, I live in this world, I have also changed my winter tires to the summer ones, but I live very differently in this life now. And what is it that interests me? The fact that no matter what situation I find myself in, I want to always remember what God says about me!

Yesterday someone who works at Vince’s school asked me how I can read the Bible. She said she doesn’t understand what is written there. I told her that it requires God. Before she opens it, she should ask God to give her wisdom and understanding. This is a great secret, but if someone understands it, they will find a great treasure. Instead of death, they will have Life in their hearts! I used to be so thirsty that I started the Bible by reading the Book of Romans. God knew I couldn’t understand or accept genealogies, thousand-year-old battles or even songs of praise. My heart was hardened, but God pointed me to the essentials! If you feel like it, you can also start reading the Bible where God opened it for me: The Book of Romans, chapter 8: “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus…”

… and don’t rush! Read it nice and slowly! One sentence or two from the Bible, and then think about it during your shower, on your way to work, before going to bed, and you will see that your heart will be so soft, just like well-tended soil. God’s word will fall into it like seeds, they will come to fruition, and before you know it, you can harvest the fruits in your life.
Let God love you out of this life too. Watch out! You will face a great adventure of you go for it…