Morning. Hustle and bustle on the roads. I am driving. We are heading to kindergarten and listening to a story in the car. My hands are holding the steering wheel, but my thoughts have let it go. They start to move about, and I am back at the roadside diner 8 years ago, being pregnant, where I threw up a sandwich that had a hardboiled egg in it. I am back in the present, asking myself if that could have been a reason for Vince to be born disabled. Was there salmonella in the egg? I shouldn͛t have eaten it! But other pregnant women eat sandwiches as well. We cannot foresee everything – I excuse myself.
Here comes another time travel. I am standing in the garage with a big belly, with water up to my knees. My mom and I are trying to save the small things, trying to dry them so we don͛t have to throw them out. Then I am back in the present again, condemning myself: I shouldn͛t have been standing in that water. Maybe I got some virus there, then. This must have been a reason why Vince didn͛t move his body during the pregnancy.
Then I finally hear the music in the car, my hands are consciously gripping the steering wheel again; I start singing along with the song coming from the radio. I see Vince in the rearview mirror shaking his shoulders to the rhythm and smiling. We move together to the music. Then I suddenly see myself from the outside, and I realize where I have been and what I did in the past few minutes of remembrance. I ask Jesus to quickly free me from these thoughts, since there is condemnation no more! I feel like the accusing thoughts dry my mouth; I become hungry and thirsty. I don͛t feel content. Have you ever noticed that the devil keeps coming back with the same tactics? He takes the food from your pantry; he steals your peace and puts damning thoughts into your heart over and over again. He has one goal in mind: to keep you from joy, and to keep you as far away from God, your Pantry, as possible! He is capable of robbing you in any kind of life situation. He blames you, and he blames others!
But now I caught the intruder! I got you! The damnation turned into joy in a second, because in my heart I spoke Jesus͛ name, and in my soul I know that this damnation makes no sense at all! Jesus has taken care of everything; He has taken this burden from me! He saves me in this very moment, and He will keep saving me in the next one and forever!
In less than a split second I need salvation, the nutritious food again! I keep driving, singing to the music, and I try to snap along with it. But then a sharp pain runs from the tip of my finger all way down to the middle of my forearm. Arthritis – I whisper to myself. Then I immediately notice that these are the same tactics as the remembrance was before. A barrier that separates me from God, from myself, from life, from freedom! After the pain running through, after realizing the latest entrapment, recognizing the devil͛s most recent attack, I smile and instead of snapping, I let go of the steering wheel and start drawing circles with my index fingers to the rhythm. I feel that I am alive! I am alive through the redemption of Jesus Christ. This is why He was born, and this is why He shed His blood. Oh God, how perfect is Your plan?
Evening. Vince leans against me, we are sitting on his bed, and I am reading the Children͛s Bible to him. The topic is the Gospel of John, chapter 6. We see a picture where Jesus is walking on water. He came to save His disciples who were flouncing on the waves in their barge. There is a little prayer in the book for this story, which goes like this: ͞ Dear God, I will not be afraid when the storm comes, because you are always with me, even in the storm. Amen.͟ Vince has fallen asleep. I sit down to read this part from the Bible. Maybe God wants to tell me something about the storm I weathered today. I notice a dialogue:
“When they found him on the other side of the lake, they asked him, ͚Rabbi, when did you get here?͛ Jesus answered: Very truly I tell you, you are looking for me, not because you saw the signs I performed but because you ate the loaves and had your fill.” John 6:25-26
I start savoring this section. I read it again and again. Then God begins his teaching.
– He starts with a grammar lesson: ͚What is the question?͚͛The question is why you came here,͛ I reply. ͚What is the answer?͚͛The answer is not when you came here, but the reason why people follow Jesus,͛ I respond. ͚Correct!͛
– Homeroom is next. ͚Are you expecting miracles in your life too?͛ God asks. ͚Yes! I would like Vince to walk on his own, talk on his own, play freely with other children,͛ I answer. ͚I understand!͛
– Literature class comes afterwards. The topic is poetry analysis. ͚Why didn͛t the author answer the question when he wrote this part?͛ God puts the answers in my heart: ͚People keep expecting miracles from me. Everyone is busy waiting for results in their lives. I give them what they want, but this is not the point. I would like to tell them that there are things that are much bigger than miracles! People wanted to hear in Jesus͛ answer that the reason He got to the other side suddenly is because He walked on water, He performed a miracle. But He wanted to pass on a much more important message. This message is a thousand times more important than miracles. It is that people can approach Jesus at any time. He is the Living Bread, people can eat from Him, they can fill up and find eternal peace! Jesus is the key! Jesus is the secret! Jesus is our gift! Jesus is life!͛
“Sir, they said, always give us this bread. Then Jesus declared, I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.” John 6:34-35