“Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.” Joshua 1:8

I woke up in the middle of the night. In my dream I saw two worlds. The characters from my previous existence had come to life. I saw the life where I didn’t have a child, but the twist was that I still had a tremendous
amount of responsibility pressing upon me. Temptations came and went, and I walked right into all of them.
The troubles gathered around me so heavily, that I shouted out loud: Jesus Christ! And at that moment the walls came crumbling down, and the characters melted away like plastic does when you hold it above the fire. Heavy weight got loaded off my shoulders. I returned back into my world, but it wasn’t the same anymore. I smelled the scent of temptations coming from parallel worlds. When this feeling became suffocating because of all the difficulties, I always said the name of Jesus out loud. Everything that wasn’t real always disappeared and I was safe.

This dream reminded me of the movie Matrix. The main character was shown how his attention could be diverted from reality if the “woman in red” program was activated. This way he didn’t pay attention to real life,
he followed the woman, and with that he was vulnerable because of the real enemy.

The other day my “woman in red” program got activated as well. I fell into its admiration, and my heart turned sad. Vince and I went to a museum. We decided to check out an exhibition about bugs. We were having lunch when I noticed that everybody who walked by us looked at us funny. Then I realized it is not only the wheelchair, the fact that Vince’s legs are in a cast in a straddle or the tracheostomy peeking out from his neck, but our whole demeanor must be strange for others. Vince is quite big now, but I still feed him with a teaspoon when he eats something pureed. At home he can already eat a lot of solid things, but that takes a long time, so if we are in a hurry or we eat out somewhere, I puree his food. And then we have the water-squirting routine with a syringe. I bet it is a horrible sight when I bring that to Vince’s mouth, and after every bite I squirt into it. This is needed to speed up the eating process, because it makes swallowing easier. And who knows what other weird things we must have that I don’t even notice anymore.

These realizations added up, and I started feeling shame for still being here, doing things this way. I wanted to disappear from the face of the Earth, so no one could notice us. I was already in the trap of the devil, this is clear. But then he gave us his final jab, the “woman in red” program. This was the picture of the idyllic family sitting at the next table. Pretty blond mom, cool, burly dad, and two angelic children with blond ringlets, a boy and a girl, which I love, because that’s how I grew up.

My thoughts needed nothing more; they unleashed the question why this was not given to me. 1:0, the attacking team scored a goal from a well-prepared offense!

But my dream brought me another realization. It was so complex, there were so many “woman in red” patterns that I recognized our lives are like that as well. We are so used to them, we don’t even notice that scams,
perhaps only the bigger ones, and only in the aftermath, when the rage is over. But a “woman in red” pattern can be anything in our world: sickness, lack of money, tiredness, or even the good things we go after: travel, the
perfect look, a responsible job, etc.

“Therefore, my dear friends, flee from idolatry. I speak to sensible people; judge for yourselves what I say. Is not the cup of thanksgiving for which we give thanks a participation in the blood of Christ? And is not the bread that we break a participation in the body of Christ?” 1 Corinthians 10:14-16

I will tell you a secret: the “woman in red” has been called an idol for two thousand years. The question is what you are paying attention to. The thing the “woman in red” shows you or the thing Jesus Chris tells you? The first one will seduce your eyes, so you will not be aware of what’s important, but the latter one will whisper the truth into your ears, and through that you will understand what gives life to your heart!

Jesus would never say, ‘you poor, miserable thing, are you still using a syringe to feed your son?’ Only the devil can plant this sentence in my heart. Satan is defined in many sections of the Bible by the appropriate Hebrew word as the accuser. But Jesus has only one thought about me: “I love you!” “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19 If I pay attention to His thoughts, I know He keeps healing Vince! He has taught him how to swallow, He is teaching him to bite and chew. Vince has been using the muscles in his mouth more and more, and in his baby-language has been
chattering non-stop, with one breath. And what’s a real miracle is that he started spelling large signs around him, all on his own, and he has been trying to connect the syllables.

“My son, pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words. Do not let them out of your sight; keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to one’s whole body.” Proverbs 4:20-22