There are so many ways to live. Everyone really only sees their own lives. Mine is complex, because it’s bustling and lonely at the same time. It’s bustling, because Vince’s disability places a thousand helpers and creates situations of grace in our world. Lonely, because I can never go in the direction other people go.
In September Vince became a private student. Loneliness now hurts even more, because neither the public nor the alternative school system was an option for an almost-teenager who does not speak and is bound to an electric wheelchair. By now, a complete system has formed around us, which is a perfect solution for the entire family. We struggled to find a school that would serve every need. We got really tired in our wanting. Then God gently showed us that we didn’t need to rush anywhere, everything was right here, near us, and it was much more perfect than what we had planned.
“So, Boaz said to Ruth, “My daughter, listen to me. Don’t go and glean in another field and don’t go away from here. Stay here with the women who work for me. Watch the field where the men are harvesting, and follow along after the women. I have told the men not to lay a hand on you. And whenever you are thirsty, go and get a drink from the water jars the men have filled.”
Ruth 2:8-9
I’m lying in bed. It’s dawn. I can hear Vince’s breathing machine sighing evenly from the baby monitor on the nightstand. My thoughts are with God, my body sinks into bed from fatigue and dull joint pain. I give thanks for having a life like Ruth did. I mean, in the sense that I am picking what no one else has taken from the fruit of the land given by life. I accept the care I get from Vince’s private tutors. I gather the joy my little boy is experiencing in his acting group. I accept programs given to us as gifts from the local cultural center. My soul rests in the common prayer and singing held for mothers at the local congregation. My body is refreshed during the water aerobics I get to go to when Vince is in his math class. And during my online Bible Study I always get the redesign, so I know what God is calling me for.
Of course, you can say these are natural life situations. But if I magnify the details, it is clear that God is working once again on seemingly impossible situations to show His glory! What are the chances of an acting group accommodating and involving a non-speaking, disabled little boy in their weekly activities? What are the chances of a little boy in a wheelchair being able to walk into the rehearsal of renowned composers, actors and performers without any problems? Those, who know me, also know that I love water, and there were years when, from May to September, I could swim in the sea every day. What are the chances of being able to find water aerobics five minutes from our house, here in the hillside, which is good for my joints and I can float on the water again? When I was a child, I was part of a choir for many years. I have always loved singing in a group, but since I’m with Vince all day, I have no chance to go to choir practices. What are the chances of God leading me to a group of mothers my age who I can sing with?
I know that God covers me with His wings in every life situation, because He organizes these spiritual and physical blessings like clockwork, so they will fit into my life. I help Vince from morning till night. I help Vince from night till morning. I make him cough, I help with his inhalation, I feed him, I lift him, I bathe him, I take him, I bring him, I walk in with him, I help him with his communication, I create accessible worksheets for him, I consult with his teachers, I make sure he sits in the right position, I adjust his pants with my sewing machine, I stand him up, I train his arms, I run around with forms, I turn him a couple of times at night, I hug him, I kiss him, I press the gas pedal, we laugh, I organize get-togethers with his friends, we swim together, we walk together, I take him to kids’ Worship, I teach him to play the piano… I don’t how these many things fit into our lives, but the good thing is that God knows. I just lie in bed in the mornings, feeling like I won’t be able to get up, but thank God I do get up, and I even dance quite a few times! Under God’s wings everything is possible!
“He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.”
Psalms 91:4
